just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
