Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
