I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
