How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
