angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize