I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
