Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
