I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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