did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
