weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
