You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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