a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
