some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
