moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
