well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
