And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
