i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
