you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
