Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
