I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
