Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
