she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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