SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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