Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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