i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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