Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
