Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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