gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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