he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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