i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
