Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
