Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
