I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
