you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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