Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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