you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
