Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
