Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
