It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
