I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can I color on your dick again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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