if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As shirtless as possible
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
