Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
