Can i not drive my cunt home
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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