Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
