The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
