Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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