i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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