never play flip cup with pint glasses
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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