They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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