It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
