I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
