Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
try to milk me bitch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
