cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
