A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
